I am not really sure how to put into words what we have experienced as a family within the past month. We knew that Tim accepting a position in Arizona that would require him to move ahead of me and Ethan would be hard. However, events that transpired throughout the process of Tim applying, interviewing, and being offered the job made it completely evident that this was a path we needed to venture on. I feel that after looking for a different employment option for over a year, one that would allow me to continue to stay home with Ethan, we finally opened our hearts to where God might want us to be rather than where we thought we wanted to be. Of course, that is often when your faith is put to test, when you face trials that you aren't sure you can plow though.
Suddenly becoming essentially a single parent is hard in itself. We have done the best we can to make sure Ethan has the opportunity to see and talk to his daddy with Skype, but it was hard to see the struggles he was having because Daddy was not here. I was amazed at some of the things he noticed, that Tim's toothbrush was missing from the toothbrush holder for instance. It is also hard to say goodbye to someone you have been with almost every day for the past 7 1/2 years, suddenly spending your evenings and nights alone. These are things we knew would be struggles.
What we were not prepared to face was the hospitalization and death of Tim's mom. She was admitted to the hospital on Tim's second day with his new employer. At that time, the situation was obviously concerning, but we weren't expecting the drastic downturn that she would experience a few days later. She was later transferred to the cardiac ICU, and after being there for several days, it was recommended that Tim come up to see her while there was still time. Tim flew up last Thursday, and he was able to talk to her Thursday evening and Friday. After consulting with the doctors, the family made the decision to move her to a hospice care facility on Saturday as there was nothing that anyone could do to "fix" the medical issues she was facing. Tim spent a couple of hours with her and his dad after they got her transferred and settled. She did not open her eyes while he was there that day, and he had to fly back to Phoenix on Sunday. She then passed away Monday evening with her husband and daughter by her side.
This is by far the hardest thing that I have experienced in our married years. I have spent many hours feeling totally helpless. I couldn't exactly spend time at the hospital with Tim's family since I have an active toddler to look after, and I couldn't even be with Tim to support and comfort him except by phone. We were fortunate to have a few days where Tim was able to come be with his mom, dad, and siblings and to be with us as well. We are thankful that she did not have to suffer long, but I know it is still hard for everyone.
Now, we all have to adjust to a new "normal." Tim is back to work, and I am trying to help Ethan get settled back down into a routine while we still try to sell the house and get moved to Phoenix. We will see what happens during the summer months. Ethan and I will move in September even if the house is not sold by then. We will have to do what we can at that point to get it rented because the bottom line is that we need to be together as a family. The good news is that we found out yesterday that our home was the second choice for a couple who came in over the weekend. If something doesn't work out with their first choice, they may be back. I am choosing to be hopeful.
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